Family

I don’t believe in family.  Your family is supposed to love you the most because you’re related to them, but must families just love each other because they have to, because you are blood related or something like that.  But that’s just the thing, they love you because they have to, not because they want to.  In my opinion, family is nothing but fake love and feelings.  True family is people who chose me, not stuck with me.  My friends chose to be friends with me, they don’t have to be friends with me, but they do because they actually love me.  You see, that’s just the thing about friends, you can leave, you’re not forced to love them.  My family is there for me because they have to be, my friends are there for me because they want to be.  Family to me are those who chose to love me, not forced to love me.

I live my life with a perception often queer to most people.  I look at art different, I look at situations different, I look at everything different.  I don’t know why this is, but all I do know is that I like it.  Most people loathe me for my perception of life, especially my mother, but it helps me recognize things about myself and others that most people miss.  If it wasn’t for my outlook on life, I would never value my friends as much as I currently do, I would be oblivious to the fact that love is what rules the world, and I would never realize that you can’t fix the world from the ruins of it’s past.

Life has thrown it’s worst at me, and although the blows of life have knocked me off my feet and beat me down to a feeling of defeat and worthlessness, the only way I was able to stand tall and vigorous from the harmful attacks of life is because of my friends and their attempts to pick me up off the floor at my lowest and giving me their love to give me a reason to keep going.  That is why I consider my friends to be my real family.

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Truth Within Music

It seems almost as if you have to write meaningless trash lyrically in order to become a famous artist.  In the late 70s’ to the early 80s’, the Rock n’ Roll scene and the Punk Rock scene was created.  The Rock n’ Roll scene, especially the punk scene, was a group of dirty people, I can say this because I am a punk, and there is no doubt, we are a bunch of dirty people.  We cuss, we drink, we’re obnoxious, and we love it.  The Rock n’ Roll and Punk Rock scene was not a mainstream thing.  It was actually looked at as a bunch of bad kids causing trouble with music.  What escapes me is that yes, we play fast and we play loud, but punk lyrics are some of the most meaningful lyrics you could read.  The punks of the early 80s’ wrote about politics, they wrote about how bad the world was and what was wrong with it.

Instead of credited for their political views and unraveling the faults of this world, they were outcast.  People looked at them drinking and smoking and thought they were a nuisance to society, but everyone smoked and drank.  The world isn’t perfect, and people feel that they have to hide these things in order to feel better about themselves.

In the early 80s’, everyone was listening to pop artists such as Michael Jackson.  Pop artists have no meaning in their songs what-so-ever, and sometimes they don’t even write their own songs. The point I’m trying to make is that I think we are brain-washed into viewing music that tells the truth as bad, in order for us to either not know the truth, or to ignore the truth.  Punk Rock is not the only type of music in which this happens to if you don’t believe me already.

In the late 80s, the Hip-Hop and Rap scene began to arise, and one notable group from this era would be N.W.A.  I love N.W.A., and they are another example of truth telling music often looked at as a nuisance to society.  Some of their major hits include “F*** Da Police” and “Straight Outta Compton.”  The members of N.W.A. grew up in the ghettos of southern California, specifically Compton.  Instead of being like most artists and writing meaningless lyrics, pretending we live in a perfect world, they wrote about what the real world is like.  They often wrote about what it was like growing up in the ghettos and a profound amount of corruption in the world.  The song “F*** Da Police” talks about police brutality in L.A. and how young blacks were treated even though they were told they were treated just like everyone else.  Instead of analyzing the lyrics they wrote, they were looked at as gangsters and thugs by society.

Now I couldn’t tell you why the world is like this or who causes us to think this way, but it really does make you think, doesn’t it?  How the truth is always twisted in order for us to ignore it.  I just wish people would accept the fact that we don’t live in a perfect world, and we never will, but we need to accept this.  We need to accept the fact that we need to change the world. We need to stop being influence by physical appearance or other barriers that cause us to look the other way from the truth, because the only way we can change the world is by first acknowledging the issue. 

The Lies That Run Our World

I can never understand why American citizens are so oblivious to all the contradiction around them.  In America, we are told not to do drugs because drugs will ruin your life and the life of those around you, yet it is out American doctors who are prescribing our generation with drugs and out American government legalizing these drugs such as Aderall and Rhidalin which are causing the youth of today to turn into zombies.  The government makes us think of very bad drugs being heroine and meth, which are very dangerous and deadly drugs, but at the same time, it was our American government who brought cocaine, another dangerous drug, into our country and they were the ones who brought this drug into out ghettos to be distributed.

America is told that gangs are bad groups of people who only cause trouble and to never join them, yet at the same time, out country is run by gangs, just instead of the bloods and the crips, they are called the FBI or the CIA or the police.  I’m not saying gangs are good nor am I saying the FBI and CIA are bad people, but what I am saying is that these organizations are just more socially acceptable gangs.  These organizations are accepted because they appeal and benefit more people.  No one joins the Crips because they think it looks fun.  People join gangs because these gangs have something they want or need that they don’t have.

Although there are many other things I could talk about in which the government does that contradicts itself, such as how the government, in my opinion, was responsible for 911 and then went to war to respond to these terrorist attacks in which they committed, and how the CIA trained the man they blamed these attacks on, but I don’t have enough evidence to talk about it without ignorant people claiming they’re patriots yelling, “WHERE IS YOUR PROOF” in my face even though it’s right in front of them.  It’s quite funny sometimes, though.  The point I’m trying to make is that people the world is full of contradictions and lies and everybody looks at the government almost like it is some kind of safe place where no lies are told and how everything they do is good and for the people.  Look into things.  Don’t believe everything people say, and make opinion on things by yourself instead of relying on others to make your opinions for you.  The more you look into things the more you will realize no one tells the full truth and how good our government is as censoring things.

Out Look On Life

I’ve never known how two people, with essentially the same DNA within their body, can come out to be so different in life.  Outcast and alienated are words I’ve found to best fit myself when talking about my relationship with my family.  It doesn’t bother me as much as it fascinates me.  I’m not really like anyone else in this word.  The things I do, that thoughts I think, they’re just different.  It’s always been that way, but your family is supposed to be the group of people in which you feel closest with because they are weird just like you.  It only makes sense that I would do the same things as my family, for we share the same blood, the same DNA, the same mothers and brothers.  Not in this life.

They say that you will grow up to be just like our parents, but what happens when your parents are the epitome of everything you hate in this world?  What happens when everything they do is exactly what you wouldn’t do?  What happens when their whole philosophy in life completely contradicts your own?  What happens when…it doesn’t matter what happens, because that’s not me, and only I am able to dictate my future..

As painful as it is for people to be so different from their families, and be left with what seems to be nothing but loneliness, this is what makes the world so beautiful.  It’s beautiful how different we are from one human to another.  The mother who birthed mine as well be some random lady on the street.  I’m not saying my mother is meaningless to me and that I hate her or something stupid like that, but what I am saying is how awesome it is that we can be anything we want to, meaning we are expected to be just like our families, but we are all so different in every way possible.  There are a lot of people who are just like their parents, and that’s not a bad thing, but the greatest thing in the world is that we don’t have to.  We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to, the only thing stopping us from doing certain things are terror tactics imposed my our parents and government.  We could be ANYTHING.

There is more to life than sitting and being worried about what you will be because of the family your from.  Don’t limit yourself because of the thoughts of those around you, such as your family.  Be you.  So, as you sit as I do most of the time, worried about what your family does and trying so hard to change them, spend the time to find yourself and change yourself in ways YOU think is better, not anyone else.  Be the greatest you that you can be.

Blossoming relationships

It’s actually quite funny to me, really, how the horrors and pain of today will cause the love of tomorrow.  Think about it, really.  When I look at my life and look back on all my friendships I have today, the real friendships I have are with the people I’ve been through hell with.  I’ve had some friends in my day, not a whole lot, but I sure have met a lot of people.  For myself, I’ve been friends with people in which we have done something so stupid that I’ve been able to look back and laugh for hours while reminiscing about my mindless actions of the past.  I’ve also been friends with people in which I’ve done something emotionally heart-ripping that we grow closer because of the pain we both have been through together.  These friends are worthy, don’t think otherwise because of my next statement, but your realest, your truest and your best friends beyond all best friends, are the ones in which you have gone through both with.  Unfortunately, these things can become meaningless once you reach a new stage in your life.

In middle school,   I never got a long with the kids at my school.  They weren’t bad people, for the most part, but there was always something that was missing in my life.  I really only had one friend, Davis.  I had only one other friend in middle school, Jake, but that’s a whole other story.  Davis and I were both just mischief children, looking for something stupid to do.  We thought we were looking for something stupid to do, but instead we ran into stupid itself.  We were walking on Warner one day, when suddenly I saw a big thing running towards us, and just as fast, I saw Davis run toward it.  It was a boy named Jason.  Davis knew this guy from Boy Scouts, and man was he stupid, and through him, we met a groups of stupids, and they best thing was we were just about equally stupid.  We all became really close, because we all encountered the same stupidity together.

Once high school started, we all split up, even Davis and I, but I because very close with Evan, one of the guys in the group.  Last week or so,  one of the guys in the group, Azael, he was moving back to Mexico, so I wanted to throw him a surprise  dinner and try to get the crew back together.  After the dinner, we wanted to do something stupid like we used to, so we egged this kids house.  It was the most magical thing I’ve ever experienced, the way the eggs exploded against the house.  Cutting to the chase, he has cameras, in which we didn’t know about, and we thought we were screwed.  We were freaking out, we didn’t know what to do, so we spent the whole 3 day weekend strategizing, all hanging out.  We were caught, no doubt about it, and we thought we were going to jail.

The weird thing about it, was I was actually quite happy we were caught, in some weird way.  The reason was not because I thought people would think I was tough or something stupid like that, it was because us getting caught egging created the  emotional aspect of our relationship.  We are now all close again, closer than we were before all this.

Friendships feed off different experiences we have encounter with those so called friends, and when drastic measures come shadow your life, you begin to realize how some of those “friends” seem to disappear in the shadows as well, but your real friends will be the ones who bring sunlight into your life when it feels the darkest, they will be the ones that are there when no one else is.

The system of selfishness

In my personal opinion, people are naturally selfish.  I don’t know why I’ve been reminiscing with this thought so much in my mind, but it just makes sense.  I’m selfish, you’re selfish, everyone is selfish.  This word that our parent keep using on us, which most of you all know, is the word lazy.  This word is often used when we don’t do something that our parents want us to do when they want us to do it.  When you are “lazy”, you are really just valuing your own time more than you value the time of others.  Our parents only use this word “lazy” because they, too, are selfish and would rather make you take out the trash or do the dishes than do it themselves.  Some people would argue saying not all people are selfish and that many people actually spend time doing charity work or helping the homeless.  But I would argue back saying how many of these people have also used the term, “It feels so good to help those in need.”  When people help others in need, yes, it is a great thing in which I feel everyone should participate in, but people do it because of the feeling it gives us.  People use this idea of helping others in selfish ways, as a drug that fuels your self-esteem making you feel better.  So, people only help others because it benefits ourselves by giving us these feelings of joy, showing how we are selfish.  Everything we do in life is because we are selfish.  Our parents always tell us to get good grades.  They say it’s because they want us to have a bright future.  But they are actually making you get good grades for themselves.  If we have good grades, then we are able to get a good job faster and move out and get out of their lives faster and hopefully be able to one day provide for them when they grow old.  People talk in class all the time because they are selfish.  Yeah, maybe those around them are actually trying to pay attention in school and gain knowledge, but we only care about ourselves so if we don’t want to pay attention and we feel the desire to not be bored, we talk to others in the class because we think only for ourselves and because we could care less about everyone besides ourselves.  Am I saying people should stop trying to avoid being nice and caring about those around us? No, not at all, because then people will stop communicating with you and push you away until you are by yourself, and you need other in order to reach your selfish desires.  Also, if you do what everyone else does and ignore this system of selfishness, you are able to gain love and joy from it, and if you keep giving to those in need, you spread this thing called love, and love is what causes this system to be ignored, because love is the greatest thing in the world.

Why are people like this?  I bet every person in this universe can give you a completely different answer, but if you ask me, I would have to answer with this; nothing in this world is guaranteed, not even your life and the life of those around you.  But one thing I know for a fact is that in the end, you are the only one there for yourself, and in this case you will do these things in order to take care of the only thing you know you have for certain.  But then again, you could make a whole system just like this for pretty much anything, because the human mind is so complex that no one knows what it is capable of doing.  The human mind does these kind of things all the time.  The human brain is awesome. PSM_V46_D167_Outer_surface_of_the_human_brain.jpg (1790×1504)

Adopted

It escapes me, really, how I can be in a room with people claiming to be related to me, yet feel no relations toward them.  As the 4th Thursday came around and I was forced to go to my Aunt’s house for Thanksgiving, I found myself at the dinner table, listening to my family say how they are thankful for our family, and finding myself unable to say the same.  My family on my mom’s side consists of rich Republicans.  This could not be more ironic considering the origin of a lot of my aggression I have is produced by these ignorant rich people who only care about other rich people and could care less about the millions of poor people in this world, and only care about how long it will take to receive those $5,000 golf clubs they ordered online.  I found myself hiding in the back of my Aunt’s mansion trying to avoid my family and the looks of disgust they gave me and the awkward conversations in which I feel I am never to answer their questions truthfully because of negative reactions I fear.  I kept looking at my so called “family,” and just trying to figure out how I am related to these people.  I was so uncomfortable that I felt as though I had a girlfriend who invited me to spend thanksgiving with her super religious family.  I didn’t know these people, and they didn’t know me.  My uncle obviously hates me and my mom kept trying to say how he just, “doesn’t understand me.”  Your family is supposed to be the group of people you can always go to when you are in a bad place, who you can tell everything to, who you know will always love you regardless of the way you look or the things you believe or don’t believe in.  I don’t have a family.  Sometimes I wish I was adopted,that way I could at least understand where I feel as though I don’t belong.  It makes it even worse when they try to claim they love you, or that they do the things they do out of love.  Regardless, I will never change who I am.  I will never try to be someone I’m not in order to be accepted by my family.  I will never take my Uncle’s advice and “get new friends and stop listening to the music I listen to.”  I am who I am, and if you don’t like that, well then it probably sucks to be you.